In the last blog we talked about building your boundaries so you feel safe whilst reclaiming your power (if you missed it you can find it here)
This week I’m talking about the fear that stops us; mainly the fear of upsetting or alienating people that we love and have in our lives.
I’m sure you’ve heard the stories about people that have ‘made it’ only to end up losing their friends and family and dying a lonely, sad death, or seen articles that highlights the disastrous lives of celebrities that seem to have it all. So it’s not surprising that many of us feel some trepidation and fear about making our lives as good as they can possibly be (anyone else’s mum say ‘Be careful, the bubble will burst and you’ll come back down to earth with a bang’?)
Will other people be affected by your changing your beliefs, mind-set and behaviour? YES. Will everyone be 100% behind you and encouraging you all the way? NO
And often, it’s the ones we thought WOULD be totally supportive that are the ones that try to drag us backwards. Don’t be too hard on them though; they are only acting in their own interest….wrapped up in a parcel of ‘looking out for you’
Your desire for change and actually applying those changes rocks their boat and makes them feel really unsafe, so it’s natural that they’ll do whatever they can to get you to stop rocking the boat!
Think about it this way. You are sitting in a boat in the middle of a perfectly calm pond. Every person or situation in your life is also sitting in their own boats around you in the perfectly calm pond. You see each other, speak to each other, know where each other is and you all feel totally safe.
Then you have a feeling (not even a thought at this point, only a feeling) that something isn’t quite right. That feeling is like dropping a grain of sand into the pond. You can’t feel the teeny tiny ripples because you’re in the centre of them, but the other people in the pond are suddenly aware something is going on.
Then you start actively thinking about changing something; a small pebble drops in and makes the ripples ever so slightly larger. Again, you’re not really aware of them because you’re in the centre. But as the ripples move outwards, other people boats gently rock and they know something is definitely going on.
This process continues with larger and larger pebbles, and then suddenly a blooming great rock lands with a huge splash (this is you actually implementing change) that creates huge ripples and people can no longer see or hear you and have no idea what’s happening other than they are holding on for dear life so they don’t go over-board!!!
Meanwhile you’ve decided your boat isn’t big enough for you and you’ve jumped into the pond. Total panic from your loved ones as they desperately try to drag you up out of the water and regain the equilibrium.
I’m guessing that with this metaphor, you’ve seen yourself in the other boats at times as well as in your own boat….
They way not to fear upsetting other people’s boat is to make sure they aren’t blind-sided by the ripples, that you keep them updated so they feel safe as they bob up and down over your ripples.
Take a moment to acknowledge their fears and worries and talk openly to them about why you want to do what you want to do and yes, it will mean change, but change for the better.
Work out ways that you can each get what you need so you can be on the journey together. It may mean that some people will take their boats to another pond and that’s OK, and you’ll find you get new people in your pond; ones that are used to the ripples and are able to help and support you so you won’t be alone and you can reclaim your power to step confidently into the future.
I hope this helps you understand why some people feel the need to hold you back and how you can deal with them. In next week’s blog we’ll be talking about types of business; not the work-type business but the business of you, me and everyone else!
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If you need some help with handling the riplles of your life, and getting on with what you want to do in life, hit reply and let me know. I may be able to give you a quick solution to help you out and get you started.
Have a fabulous week!
With love & respect